The First Day of Spring is John Goyette Day!

In honor of John Goyette's birthday, Ray's Nut website is alive and kicking again! Click here to visit. Here's a page from the site - this was Bo's birthday present to John circa 1996:

John Goyette's Day

There once was a man named John Goyette
Who lived his life without a net

Happy, Go-Lucky, a careless fellow
His eyes were sincere, his socks, always yellow

But Johnny was saddened one fine summers day
To see that the summer was going away

In his garage he sat for an hour
He used many tools, some of them power!

And when he emerged with the sweat on his brow
He had built a machine would make you go "WOW"

It had sweet chrome exhaust and a circular blade
It was three tons of metal, this machine that John made

He smiled as he sang and danced all about
And flicking the ON switch, he said "CHECK THIS OUT"

The machine it did whirr, the deep sound shook your gut
More so than his technology stand at the NUT

On lookers backed away with fear in their eyes
One man shouted out "hey, it's blowing the skies"

And that's what it did, like a sweater de-lint-er
It flew in the air and drove away fall and winter!

The people did whoop and holler and parade
Oh the wonder of the thing that John Goyette made

It kept the crops growing, the sun high in the sky
Ray Lansing sailed as weeks and months flew by

But summer did not end, it just kept on going
Ski mountains couldn't even make money snow-blowing

While summer was fun, and the warm air so happy,
John Goyette was feeling mightily crappy

"What have I done, this perpetual summer
What I thought would be fun is quite a big bummer!"

November is cold and should stay that way!
December should not bring a T-shirt a day!

Sure it is nice, people laugh and cavort!
But Santa should not wear Bermuda shorts"

It is time for me to bring winter to town
And with a flick of a switch, John shut his summer down.

Winter growled fiercely as it rolled through the streets
And people were caught without shoes on their feets

Angry mobs flooded John's poor garage
And subdued him with a snowball barrage

They locked John away and threw out the key
And he sat in his cell as winter unleashed

But spring never came, nor summer, nor fall
In fact, besides winter, there was nothing at all

And John he sat quiet until her heard the voice
That said, "John Goyette, you leave me no choice!"

And John was brought back through the mountains of snow
The garage where he first made his machine go

"Turn it on" said the man, and John flicked the switch
But the big ol' machine just thumped a bit and hissed

"It's broken, you see, it was never intended "
To see such a winter. It cannot be mended.

But I can build another, but different in style
Leave me alone, and come back in a while

And John stepped inside of his big ol' garage
And emerged hours later with something quite large

He flicked on the switch and with something of a poof
The snow melted of John Goyette's Garage roof

From the ground and the trees and the grass in the yards
And the sound of the ice breaking into tiny shards

And then, from the ground, came a beautiful sight
A flower emerged into newfound spring light

Everyone cheered and John was lifted high
"To the bar", he shouted, "Quickly!", he cried

The man he took one look at the flower
And said, "I'm the only one with the power"

To hereby declare, proclaim, make and say
The first day of spring is John Goyette Day

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And just for a note, let it be told
Ray Lansing is still on his boat in the cold . . .

Gin and Juice

Stumbled into this today. Bo's take on Snoop Dogg's "Gin and Juice."

Original lyrics here:

Gin & Juice

Due to the ever-increasing difficulties oft times associated with living in the city of Compton, California and the surrounding suburbs, such as Long Beach, California, there is a certain amount of personal stress caused to my peers and me. Please feel free to refer to me by my nick name, 'Snoop'. I spell my nick-surname in quite an unusual fashion, D; O followed by the letter G not once, but twice (DOGG). Despite the difficulties of my environs and the personal stresses caused by these difficulties, I strive to rise above the problems. To this end, I continually develop new and interesting artistic projects. In the development of these projects, I have either met or exceeded my personal goals by completing a single artistic project each day. I would greatly appreciate it if you would allow me the honor of dedicating my current endeavor, the one that you are presently viewing, to my closest friends. Perhaps by doing so, I can develop long lasting bonds with others!

As I write, the clock reads 2 in the AM, and perhaps you will find this surprising, but even at this early hour my cohorts continue to celebrate. (This continued celebration is undoubtedly due to the fact that my mother -- who owns the building at which we are celebrating -- is not present. If she were present, she would surely grow disconcerted with our manner of celebration). As I write, there are some women of questionable morals having homosexual relations in the den of my abode. These women have indicated that they will remain at the gathering for roughly four more hours, until 6 in the AM, at which time they will depart. Please take a moment to reflect on what you would do if you were in my situation.

It is quite incredible! I have several prophylactics on my person, and I am aware that many of my friends also carry prophylactics. I have indicated that I would like one of my companions to negate any artificial lighting presently enabled and to ensure the status of the barriers between the rooms of the house and the outdoors. I think it is important to note here that neither my friends nor I possess any amorous feelings toward the women of questionable morals conducting the homosexual activity. (In fact, it is my belief that they may be prostitutes.) Since I began writing this work, my friends and I hurriedly and with great enthusiasm consumed nearly an ounce of marijuana. Due to the mental effects of the marijuana, my friends are feeling very good and the women of questionable morals have positioned themselves on the floor. I am hoping that my audience is finding this narrative not only interesting but also quite flowing.

As if in a moving automobile, ingesting a particularly potent strain of the marijuana plant commonly called Indo, drinking Gin mixed with Juice in small portions, completely relaxed thinking about my finances and paying for the expansion of thought. As if in a moving automobile, ingesting a particularly potent strain of the marijuana plant commonly called Indo, drinking Gin mixed with Juice in small portions, completely relaxed thinking about my finances and paying for the expansion of thought

Because I have recently received a bottle of Gin produced by the well-known Beverage Company Seagrams, all the individuals at the gathering indicate that they would like to share in my beverage. They hold their receptacles out longingly, but I withhold the beverage from them when I realize that I have paid for the entire celebration. To date, none of my friends has offered to donate any money towards the celebration's expenses! This rude behavior and lack of thoughtfulness is typical for this group of people. These 'friends' continually take from me to meet their needs without a thought about what my needs are. This is why I suffer. Perhaps my art can remedy the situation. A single artistic narrative that I have composed should help my friends through this difficult time. Why? My artistic endeavors are suited for such things. My art commands the attention of all those who make the effort to listen.

Forgive me a moment of pause as I imbibe while standing in the center of the road. I am attempting to hold a pleasant conversation with the current object of my affection, a woman of questionable morals that answers to the name of Sadie. In truth, Sadie and I are not only talking. I am actually initiating a courting ritual, despite Sadie's past. Sadie was once romantically linked to one of my very close friends. She is of questionable morals. The temperature is precisely 80 degrees Fahrenheit, and I have the urge to indicate to Sadie that I would prefer her not to fondle my scrotum. My mind changes. I have decided that, despite my actions to the contrary, I will not pursue any type of relationship with Sadie. Instead, I will gather with my group of friends, known collectively as the 'Dogg Pound'. Together, we will attempt to become more aware of the winds. I will tell Sadie that I am;

As if in a moving automobile, ingesting a particularly potent strain of the marijuana plant commonly called Indo, drinking Gin mixed with Juice in small portions, completely relaxed, thinking about my finances and paying for the expansion of thought. As if in a moving automobile, ingesting a particularly potent strain of the marijuana plant commonly called Indo, drinking Gin mixed with Juice in small portions, completely relaxed, thinking about my finances and paying for the expansion of thought

In that same 24 hour period, my friend who holds a doctorate and answers to the name 'Dre', arrives. Dre has in his possession a large quantity of Tanqueray (a type of Gin) and a very large marijuana cigarette containing another very potent strain of the plant referred to as the 'bubonic chronic'. Smoking this cigarette makes me cough.

It is quite incredible, and I do not mean this statement to be humorous in any way. The cigarette makes me feel so lightheaded that I am forced to sit down and put my container of gin on a nearby table. The combination of the Tanqueray and the marijuana severely alters my senses, however this impairment does not predicate an end to my consumption. I am prepared to ingest more.

Dre purchased some marijuana in Compton, California and he has prepared for me a delightful concoction that unfortunately does not have a cherry at the precipice. When I orgasm, I bring a marijuana smoking pipe towards my penis and indicate to any female companions that this should not be upsetting, but rather is the way of nature. Again, I have no amorous feelings toward these women of questionable morals, so I leave the building.

If you are looking for me, you will find me;

As if in a moving automobile, ingesting a particularly potent strain of the marijuana plant commonly called Indo, drinking Gin mixed with Juice in small portions, completely relaxed thinking about my finances and paying for the expansion of thought. As if in a moving automobile, ingesting a particularly potent strain of the marijuana plant commonly called Indo, drinking Gin mixed with Juice in small portions, completely relaxed thinking about my finances and paying for the expansion of thought. As if in a moving automobile, ingesting a particularly potent strain of the marijuana plant commonly called Indo, drinking Gin mixed with Juice in small portions, completely relaxed thinking about my finances and paying for the expansion of thought. As if in a moving automobile, ingesting a particularly potent strain of the marijuana plant commonly called Indo, drinking Gin mixed with Juice in small portions, completely relaxed thinking about my finances and paying for the expansion of thought. As if in a moving automobile, ingesting a particularly potent strain of the marijuana plant commonly called Indo, drinking Gin mixed with Juice in small portions, completely relaxed thinking about my finances and paying for the expansion of thought.